When did I become at war with my body?

Are you a body, or do you have a body?

I don’t remember when it started.

I just noticed the way I speak to you changed.

My body is acting up today

I can’t with this stupid neck

My body is punishing me for going out yesterday

I’d love to go, but my body won’t let me

There’s me, and then there’s my body.

But we used to be one.

As a student, I remember discussing the concept of “having a body vs being a body“.

The separation of mind and body is build into our language.

There’s a the physical dimension, and then there’s the mental one. In science, in life, and in conversations, we express a clear distinction.

But your body is more than just the vessel that caries your brain and your soul.

It’s all connected.

Your nervous system connects every inch of your body.

When you’re emotionally upset, you can feel it in your gut.

Your cute tummy tenants (aka your microbiome), can affect how you feel.

I’ve played football since I was a child, and I can’t put into words how to do the perfect corner kick. But I can show you, and I know intuitively how every part of my body feels when I do it.

Think back to when you learned a dance routine or other specific movement sequence.

Are you able to describe the movements in the exact order using only words? Probably not. But as you make one movement, listen to the music, the next flows from your body into the next, and then the one after that. As you dance, your body rather than your mind knows what to do.

What I’m saying is: The mind and body is a beautiful, interconnected unity. We’re trained to think of them as separate, but they both affect each other in such deep ways, it might not even make sense to have this strong division.


Yes, I was working up to a however. Didn’t see that coming did you?

The perfect harmony is no guarantee.

When the body breaks in anyway, the strength of the mind-body union fades.

The mind tries to seperate itself from the broken part, the broken body.

It shows up in the language, and the way we think.

Which leads us back to my quotes from the beginning of this post:

My body is acting up today

I can’t with this stupid neck

My body is punishing me for going out yesterday

I’d love to go, but my body won’t let me

Suddenly you are your mind, your lived experience, and your body is just something you have, dragging along with you.

I’ve found myself thinking (or saying) “I hate my body!”  scaringly frequently lately. Usually when people exclaim that, it’s about looks. When I do it’s because the pain level is too high, and I start thinking this is my life now. It’s never getting better. I’ll never be able to get a job. I’ll never be able to take of my future child (these are thoughts, not truths).

My body stops me from doing so many things I love. It’s hard not to focus on my newfound limitations while I’m being robbed.

But pain is not the only thing my body lets me experience. It also lets me write, read, create, touch, kiss, smile. My body is with me in all those moments too.

I used to connect with my body through football, running, yoga, lifting. Now I’m finding new ways to befriend my body. Be in my body. Be my body. Always reminding myself that she is a friend, not an enemy, that only wants what’s best for me.

I write about my experience of pain and suffering (mental, physical, emotional) not for pity, but to share my experience. I do it because it’s a part of life we can’t deny, and to let other people struggling know they’re not alone ♥

Do you feel more connected or disconnected to your body right now?

Gif that says lots of love, Anne xx

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When did I become at war with my body?
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  1. This was beautifully written! I have recently realized that what I experience with migraines and neck/shoulder tension is chronic pain, its not noticeable ans it doesnt prevent me from doing physical activities…but it greatly impacts how I do life.