My Secret Identity

In a world… within a world… a few select people fight hard to bring you OOTD’s, What I Ate Wednesdays and hilarious list posts, including 512 reasons why Anne Kvapakpsodsaposdap* is a superhero.

Maybe I’m exaggerating, but I’m trying to make an exciting movie trailer, dammit!

*Still not my real name

And by the way, I’m not a superhero.

Yet think about it. Have you ever seen me and Batman at the same time? Or Deadpool? (I’d rather be Deadpool!).

Okay, you’ve probably just not seen me, period. That’s because my online identity is a secret from people I know “in real life” (like Internet people aren’t real people).

Why is that?

Am I embarrassed by my blog?

Should I be after writing that terrible intro?

The internet has always been my hideout, my escape when I needed to forget about daily life, just for a moment. I started reading a few blogs a long time ago, and I love the connection I get with the blogger, even though it’s mostly a one-way relationship. I slowly discovered the blogging community across different social medias and became inspired. I wanted to make my own little space of the internet, I wanted to be part of the community of socially awkward like-minded people, I wanted to share my passion for health, and I wanted to talk about my mental health struggles.

This is where the hard part starts – extremely few people know about that. I can’t talk about it without bawling my eyes out, but writing about it helps me find peace.

But it’s hard. I have a constant nagging feeling that someone will find out, and I fear that day, that it will take my safe space away.

Blogging gets a bad rep from some outsiders – it’s just about whining and getting freebies right? And I do used to make decisions based on what people think of me, and care way too much about other people’s opinion of me. I’m trying to let go of that, and I’m starting to think the solution is smacking it in their facebook, and just be proud of what I’ve created here – because I made it for me.

I’m going to share this someday. Even if it requires a couple of deep breaths and a moment of temporary insanity. And maybe I should delete this post first… πŸ˜€

I’m curious to hear from you, fellow bloggers: Do you tell people about your blog? What’s their reaction when you do? Let me know in the comments!

Gif that says lots of love, Anne xx

Since you made it all the way to the end, you may as well follow on Instagram as it’s the place to be!
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My Secret Identity
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  1. I feel the exact same way. My mother-in-law somehow found out about my blog and reads my blog almost every day and it makes me sooo uncomfortable. When I first found out, I wanted to quit blogging but I figured it would be useless– someone else would find my new blog, if I started one, and why throw away all my work just because one person I know in real life reads it? And obviously she likes it if she reads so often (or maybe she just likes spying on me). Maybe *someday* I’ll share it with more people I know, but not anytime soon. But I’m glad to know I’m not the only one keeping my blog a secret!

  2. So true! I find I keep my blog a secret from most people because I’m scared they’ll think it’s a lame hobby, or (almost worse), they’ll over-hype it and think it’s an amazing thing and want to see it. I know blogs are meant to be read, but it’s also, like you said, an escape from “real life”. I blog for me, not really the readers, and it’s scary to imagine people actually reading it. But I do have some blogger friends I meet up with in real life, and it’s kind of cool how we all get each other and click in certain ways because we have that “secret internet world” in common.

  3. says: Kate

    Soooo relived that i’m not the only one who doesn’t share their blog on facebook. My friends know about my blog but i would be so embarrassed if someone from my work place found out about it!
    I don’t know what it is. I think it’s just my confidence differs when i’m with other people and them finding out would put me in a strange place, I think I would just be so overcome by anxiety xxx

    1. says: Anne

      I feel you Kate! And I think there’s nothing wrong with only telling your friends about it if that’s what you’re comfortable with! x

  4. says: Leigh

    I dont tell anyone about my blog. Its something that I started for myself, as an outlet to express myself, the things that I love and that I go through

  5. says: Charlie

    I full on shared my first post to my social media – the response I got was mostly positive which made me happy! I thought I would be embarrassed but now I just think I should do what I love and if people want to judge, then let them! Great post though, I have followed on BlogLovin’ πŸ™‚ I recently returned from Copenhagen also, lovely place!

  6. says: Claire

    The only people I’ve told about my blog are my mum and my boyfriend and they seem really supportive, I’ve never really asked others there opinion on bloggers. I think i’ll stay away from that situation because i wouldn’t like to be put off and feel doubt about it x

    Claire | My Little Memoir

  7. says: Lexes

    I understand this completely. But when you learn to be proud of who you are and confident in your struggles and weaknesses because you know that you’ll overcome them, then when people start to find out about your blog it won’t be as hard. But talking about mental health to other people can be daunting because people just don’t understand it! Its great that you have this safe place to express yourself and make friends with us like-minded people <3

    1. says: Anne

      Thank you for being so understanding! I do think it will get easier the closer I get to recovering – when I feel like I’m strong enough to handle negative feedback (even though I might not get any). Right now I’ll just appreciate the friends I’ve found online <3

  8. Only my partner knows of my blog (but doesn’t read it). Nobody else does. I also don’t share photos I made (although I love photography). It’s better this way, because I can freely write what I think. And don’t have to worry about my future boss firing me over it. Although I usually am not so good in keeping my mouth shut either (when I finally start talking xD).

    Exactly like you said, here you can find like-minded people, which you might not find ‘outside’. Privacy is important and blogging ‘secretly’ doesn’t make our stories less true.

  9. says: Leta

    Okay, I’m actually haven’t told anyone and have kept it for secret for almost a year. My parents have noticed that I take photos of everything but they don’t question it as they think that I’m very into photography (which is partly truth, haha). I do feel scared to tell to anyone as I don’t think many would understand it. They would be like “you write online about yourself?”. I might do share it soon but first I have to get that courage to do it πŸ™‚

    -Leta | The Nerdy Me

    1. says: Anne

      Haha, that’s a con of not living alone!
      It’s so hard to tell people who aren’t into blogging what it’s all about, because it’s so much more than just writing about yourself! Someday we’ll do it!

  10. says: Emily

    I relate to this so much! I’ve only told my 3 close friends that I had a blog, but didn’t tell them anything about it. It’s weird, especially when they don’t have the same interests. I find that just acting chill about it helps.
    Loved the post and your blog! πŸ™‚

  11. says: Sassy

    I don’t know what you’re talking about – I mean the intro was perfect haha. I’m pretty sure, though, that you’re not Batman … maybe Deadpool, Miss Kvapakpsodsaposdap, but not Batman πŸ˜› (because that’s … hm.) πŸ˜‰
    I love that post. I can see your reasons why you’re not sharing your blog with people you actually know. It’s a place with very private thoughts for you. I think that’s okay, even though you should be aware that they could find it. If they did, in my opinion you could be super proud of what you’ve created here: you are smart, witty, and spread positivity and awareness regarding mental and physical health. If I were a real life friend, Anne, I’d be happy to know a person with such a fabulous blog. πŸ™‚

    1. says: Anne

      Hahaha .. we’ll know who it really is… πŸ˜‰
      Aw you’re so wonderful, it doesn’t even matter what people will think when I got friends like you! I can’t even tell you how much it means to me <3

  12. says: Lona

    I can somewhat relate, because I didn’t use to blog using my real name either. But honestly these days I just don’t care that much. I even have my blog’s FB page linked to my personal facebook account. Maybe someone will find it and like it. And if they don’t, it’s still ok.

  13. says: Jemma

    I can absolutely relate to this. I only started blogging in February, and the thought of anyone winding out terrifies me.

    I live with my BF, and any time he comes near my laptop, and I afraid he might find out that I am busy tweeting or blogging. Crazy, right?

    I don’t think I have anything to worry about, definitely not to be ashamed about, but I just don’t think I can tell them – like you, my blog is my escape from reality for a while.

    Maybe this time next year I will be telling you that I have told everyone!


    1. says: Anne

      Oh I feel you! It feels so silly keeping it secret, but at the same time, it’s impossible to know how people would react (I mean WHAT IF….). I hope you can! (and that I can too) πŸ˜€ x

  14. says: Madara

    Yeah, I was scared to tell people too. I acutally even didn’t tell them face to face but just shared some posts on facebook. πŸ˜€ But it was very scary at first, I was very consious about what people who knew me before or knew a different me will think about me and will it affect me somehow expecially because with blogging most of the time comes a lot pictures of myself doing stuff, pretending to do stuff (for post sake :D), outfits (I am still consious about my outfits because I wouldn’t call them that πŸ˜€ just clothes I wear. Anyway..)
    BUT, yes, one day I shared my blog inviting almost all of my facebook friends to like my facebook page (before I prepared myself slowly introducing myself with the idea that people will know I have a blog by sharing just some posts, as I said.). And yeah that day I DIDN’T CARE. I finally had that in me that I don’t care what they think or say about it. I am not that shy, quite, gentle girl everyone though for so many years I was. Just had to accepted it myself. πŸ™‚
    OMG such a long comment. I hope it makes some sense, I feel like it is a bit chaotic. Most importantly, I wanted to encourage you to share your blog because you have done some amazing job here. :)) I read on twitter you are close to 100’000 page views a month which is awesome!!
    Good luck and be brave.
    You are great and your blog is too. (thumbs up emoji πŸ˜‰ )

    1. says: Anne

      I’ve been thinking a lot about how people who ~sorta~ know me would think of the blogging me – it’s so difficult to know how people perceive you, and I know I come across as a lot more confident and outgoing than I am offline.
      That’s so awesome – like ripping off a bandaid (I think that’s what I’ve been doing very slowly over the past week) – but the thought still freaks me out a little πŸ˜€

      Thank you so much for your lovely comment :* I think there’s one zero too much in there, but it’s still very awesome, if you ask me πŸ˜€ x

      1. says: Madara

        Woops about that zero. πŸ˜€ Anyway, minus that one zero, still is awesome!! :)) πŸ™‚
        Actually I think blogging has made me more chattier person offline than I was before! Soo… maybe you are as confident and outgoing offline too now. πŸ™‚ At least more than you think yourself? πŸ˜‰

        1. says: Anne

          Hehe thank you! Maybe.. I’d still not say I’m outgoing, but I’m no longer afraid to say my opinion, and I don’t doubt myself as much, so it seems to be a good thing ! πŸ™‚

  15. says: Mira

    I can very much relate to this post! Blogging is my escape, my safe place and I think the majority of the blogging community is really lovely – the blogging world almost feels like a parallel universe. I’m afraid of telling people about my blog although I’m trying to get over that fear. I would love to talk about personal subjects on my blog but I can’t do that right now, it makes me feel too vulnerable and I’m not at the point of being completely open with these subjects yet. I think you are a lot better at that and you’re helping many people with your posts. You have every reason to be proud of your blog. xx

    1. says: Anne

      As a parallel universe is an excellent way of describing it! It gets easier with time to write about personal subjects – in my experience, the more you give of yourself, the more you get back. But I was blogging (on tumblr) for years before starting here, and it took a long time before I felt comfortable sharing just short personal posts. Just take your time and do what you’re comfortable with x

    1. says: Anne

      That’s so sad, I’m sorry you feel that way! But you should still be proud of your blog, and I hope you find a way to write about what you want x

  16. says: Rachel

    Loved this post! so relatable, my blog is my escape from reality and I don’t want that to be took away from me! If everyone knew then it wouldn’t be my escape no more! Good post lovely, loved reading it! 💜

  17. says: Eline

    If there is one thing I can tell you is to wait till the right time. If you aren’t comfortable with sharing it isn’t worth it. I’ve told my closest family and friends, because it’s something that takes up a lot of time in my life right now and I want to be able to talk about it. However I don’t think I’d share it on Facebook anytime soon, because I think it might be looked weird upon from people who don’t know me that well. And personally I don’t want to constantly watch what I say and share in case someone is going to say something weird about it. Good luck!

    1. says: Anne

      Thank you for sharing your perspective – I do think it’d be good to share it only with closest friend first. I’ve only one friend who (by coincidence) know about my blog, but she’s very supportive! But it’s tough to write if you’re thinking too much about who would read it x