This is a photo from this summer.
This is a photo of a girl who’s been through some tough times.
Not to mention all the other ways I’ve been sick simply due to bad luck, it all hit at once.
All this happened while she was attempting to get a degree in Sports Science & Health. It’s been unbelievably hard. It still will be. My degree has been delayed because of it. At the time of the picture, I was genuinely doubting whether it was possible with everything that’s wrong with my body.
I’ve gotten help for my mental health, and are actively working on it myself every day, but in terms of my chronic neck pain, I’m just being held in a constant waiting position by the health care system, and I it’s difficult to cope with (it’s also hard to study as the pain makes it hard to focus, and I can’t bring my backpack or books to uni because my neck will be in pain for days from carrying that weight.)
Hold on, I meant for this to be a positive post. I’m sitting here, writing, filled with a positive feeling – which I wanted to share with you.
That feeling is:
Sorry, that’s a danish word.
The best translation I can come up with is optimistic/hopeful/confident.
Because I’ve just made it through the exams of the first quarter at uni. And it wasn’t absolutely horrible as usual…. it was actually okay? It’s weird because I’m not used to feeling this way. It’s even weirder because I couldn’t see how I was going to get to this place a couple of months ago.
Yet here I am. It’s hard but I’m doing it.
I still worry about the future. Whether I’ll be able to get a job in the future. If it’s possible when you’re in pain every day (especially when your education is about fitness & health, it at least limits the kind of jobs you can get). I worry about whether it’s better to continue studying for another two years, to become a cand. scient., if it’s possible with my body. This summer, I didn’t seem possible. But now? Maybe I really can do it. Maybe it’s worth a try?
It’s scary to think about the future. There are lots of things to take into considerations, and nothing is guaranteed. All we can do is try our best under the circumstances.
I’d like to go back and give this girl a hug and tell her that she can do this.
And maybe give her a neck massage because I know she’s in pain even when she’s smiling.