The Frustration of Being Chronically in Pain

FEAT- The frustration of being chronically in pain

Some days, the frustration really hits. The frustration of being chronically in pain.

Lately I’ve been really good at following the instructions from the pain management course. I’m following my resting schedule, space out activities, practice mindfulness, taking my meds, etc.

And I’m still in f***ing pain.

The pain clinic has never promised I wouldn’t be. They say realistically it’s never going away.

And I understand that on a logical level. But emotionally – that’s a different thing entirely.

I understand why I’m in pain when I push my body to it’s limits. It sucks, but I’ve learned to accept that it’s what happens.

What’s really frustrating, what has really hit this past week is: even when I do everything right, I’m still in pain.

Not as much pain, usually. But it’s still pain, and I still feel limited by it.

And this is so hard to accept. Maybe I’ll get there with time. Right now, however, I’m in the middle of this wave of anger, frustration and hopelessness. I promised my body I would do everything in my power to take care of her, and I return I thought the pain would go away. That was supposed to be the deal.

That was never a realistic expectation, but it was a hope, though never said aloud, that lived in my gut. A hope that’s a powerful driver for motivation, but it’s never going to come true. And it’s dangerous when it disappears.

Usually, feeling similar to this would lead me to seek out distractions. To drown out the uncomfortable emotions with food and TV. But I want to break that pattern (another thing the pain clinic focuses on as well).

I’ll allow myself to feel, without being swept away by the thought spiral that leads to:

I’ll be in pain forever – I can’t stand it – I can’t stand myself – I’m unlovable – I’m worthless

(yeah that’s not a nice place to be)

My new BFF calm is a help here too, with practicing mindfulness and non-identification with difficult emotions 🙏🏻


(Thank you heytiffanyroe for giving me this motto to live by)

And hugs to anyone else dealing with difficult emotions today ❤️

Gif that says lots of love, Anne xx

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  1. This is such a relevant topic. Millions of people live with chronic and immune illnesses and most of them are no stranger to chronic pain yet nobody speaks about it. I suffer chronic pain for two reasons: Chron’s disease and scoliosis. Both of these conditions can’t be cured, and pain is pretty much my constant companion…and sometimes it can get overwhelming, especially as I get older, but I’m learning to accept that. I think that sometimes we push ourselves too hard when we try to be positive. Life with constant paint is different, and we need to find whatever strategies that help- and sometimes it is o.k to feel miserable. I often get frustrated with myself when I loose my cool because I used to be such a calm person and I feel that’s changing and it makes me feel worse. However, I’m trying to accept that it is o.k not to be o.k and that sometimes we just need to cry it out.

    1. says: annesmiles

      Yeah, it’s such a complicated thing to deal with. But it sounds to me like you’re on to the right thing – we gotta find acceptance and strategies that work for us. But it’s also okay to find it difficult – and to not be ok, as you say

  2. says: Sofie

    I’m so sorry to hear that you are in constant pain – I know exactly what that feels like. I have a bone disease with various “open” fractures and not a day goes by where I don’t feel at least once of them. It’s very hard to live with, and it’s not like you can just step out of your body and pick a new one. You’re trapped.
    Lots of love and hugs to you!
    PS: Please remember to give yourself for credit for everything you do. Give yourself a physical hug and a mental one as well. There are so many small achievements during the day that we don’t even think about, but it’s so important that we do.

    1. says: annesmiles

      It’s definitely not an easy thing to deal with! I’m sorry you have to deal with that too.
      Thank you! – I hope you show yourself that kindness too <3

  3. says: Claudia

    Well done for everything you achieve despite or maybe “because” of the pain. Great blog, I will read more. Greetings from The Healthy Gourmet! x