The First Meeting – Thoughts from Therapy

The First Meeting - Thoughts from Therapy || I need therapy. It's not easy for me to admit. But I know I'm not alone - and I want to share my story of recovery with you, while it's still being written - let's break the taboo!

Thoughts from Therapy is a series where I talk honestly about my struggle with and recovery from depression and anxiety. My hope is to promote mental health awareness, and to let anyone else struggling know they’re not alone. See the other posts here.

I’m just gonna say it. I have a therapist. I need therapy.

It’s not easy for me to admit. It’s not something I want to broadcast to the world. As I’ve talked about before, discussing my mental health struggles, or really just personal struggles is very difficult for me.

But it’s important to talk about. Being silent doesn’t make the problems disappear. I was overwhelmed by your support on my last mental health post, and it made me realize I’m not the only one with these struggles. This is why I want to share my experience from therapy with you.

The first meeting

I had been so nervous leading up to my first appointment, I had to pretend it didn’t exist simply to stop myself from constantly worrying. It had taken so much courage for me to ask for help – what if she wasn’t able to help me.

Luckily, there was no need for me to worry. She didn’t bombard me with information this time, or go into deeply emotional topics (yet I couldn’t help but cry multiple times). She let me get a read of her, and her of me. We discussed expectations, to the therapy, to each other, and to the outcome.

Together, we set up these goals:

  • Learning to cope/tools to handle negative thoughts and feelings
  • Finding ways to be calm/decrease anxiety besides exercise
  • Getting in touch with my feelings and inner workings

However, what made me realise she is going to a great therapist was a question. It came out of nowhere by the end of the session.

Do you go to great lengths to live up to other’s expectations?

That hit something in me. And the more I think about it, the more I realise this is one my biggest problems. I don’t share my opinion very often. I tend to answer based on what I think the other person wants to hear rather than taking the time to figure out what I like. It’s not always intentional, but it happens often.

She made me realise therapy isn’t going to work if I base my answers on what I expect she wants me to say – I’ll make her think we’re on the right track, when really I’m not talking about myself.

She challenged me. She’s not going to sugarcoat it. She’s going to be honest. And she cares.

She made me feel hopeful about the future again.

How was your first experience with a therapist?



The First Meeting - Thoughts from Therapy || I need therapy. It's not easy for me to admit. But I know I'm not alone - and I want to share my story of recovery with you, while it's still being written - let's break the taboo!
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The First Meeting - Thoughts from Therapy || I need therapy. It's not easy for me to admit. But I know I'm not alone - and I want to share my story of recovery with you, while it's still being written - let's break the taboo!
The First Meeting - Thoughts from Therapy || I need therapy. It's not easy for me to admit. But I know I'm not alone - and I want to share my story of recovery with you, while it's still being written - let's break the taboo!

LET'S CHAT!

32 Comments

  • It's great you took this step! And I also admire that you took the courage to blog about it. I hope the therapy will help you. You and her both being honest is very important for that, I think. Frankly, I think everyone could use some therapy from time to time. Some maybe more than others. I don't think there's anyone who never has struggles or is sure about everything. But that's not how it goes nowadays. However, it's still nothing to be ashamed of. Doing what's best for you is more important than people's opinions.
    • Thank you :) A message like this means a lot to me, makes me think I'm not completely weird for doing this. My therapist also told me that nobody is capable of dealing with every single problem they're face with. I'm still in the process of convincing myself that it's right, but I don't feel as bad anymore :)
  • You are so brave for discussing your struggles here. And I'm sure your posts are helping so many other people who are also struggling. I love your posts! Keep writing, and keep being beautiful! Best of luck! TA
  • Love your openness and transparency in wanting to share this with all of us. I suffer from an adjustment disorder and depression so I understand. So glad I stopped by to read this and I support you! :)
  • As someone who would probably (definitely) benefit from therapy, but has been terrified to admit it to anyone, I really love that you've done this post! Also, with giving answers that people want, instead of the real ones, is something I tend to do. And your right, it's only hurting yourself to sugarcoat things.
  • Is that a coincidence? Because I exactly did the same thing i.e expressing what others want to hear and not taking a stand of my own views. I was filled with self doubt always and I felt everyone was criticizing me. A single realization that the only thing I should truly amend is changing my thoughts and trusting myself brought about a revolution. And I am glad I was able to bring out that transition in me to some extent. Thank you so much for posting that :)
    • Reshma, I really appreciate your comment. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this kind of thinking. I'm hoping that I'll be able to improve too, by keeping it in mind and pay more attention to my own needs and feelings. Hugs
  • Thank you for sharing your thoughts on something very personal. I suffer from depression and while i do not attend therapy I am working on my own self value and improvement. it took me decades to admit i even had a problem, but just in saying out it outloud was a huge relief for me. Keep doing what is good for your spirit. I look forward to watching your story.
  • I started going to therapy again over the summer and I was really nervous. I knew it was something I needed to do, but when I had gone in high school the woman I was seeing did not really pay attention or remember what I was saying from week to week and really just let me say whatever I want, and not in the good/truthful manner. I was definitely doing the same thing of just saying whatever I thought she wanted to hear. I think finding someone who you can feel comfortable with, but is also strong enough to push you in the right direction is half the battle. I am really glad you found someone you like!
    • It's sad that you had a bad experience in high school, but it happens sometimes. Unfortunately you're just very vulnerable when you're in therapy, so it can be really hard to deal with. I'm thankful for getting such a good match. I hope you're new therapist is one that's good for you. Take care <3
  • Beautiful, thanks for sharing. Meeting the right therapist that you just know is going to help, is so important. But it is also okay if you get through a few before meeting the right one!
  • Damn, you are so brave for letting people know about your personal struggles, you have some serious courage girl! I hope that when you embark on this experience to make yourself a better person, you learn any things about yourself and be a bit selfish. What I mean by that is to do things that YOU like, don't ever try to change yourself to fit other persons views/opinions, you'll find more honest friends and I think you'll be happier for it. Anyways, good luck. :)
    • Thank you!! That is something I really want to get better - still being nice, but on my own terms while staying true to myself. I've been silent for so long, it's going to be difficult to find my way back. But I'm fighting for it! x
  • Good luck! The best piece of advice I've ever taken (and now given) is this: It's nothing worth worrying about unless it's still going to be there in six months. All the best.
  • I once had a free intro to therapy session, and she asked me one question, which just seemed to clear everything up in my head. She listened to me basically and reflected back what I was doing to myself. Since that session I realised my life wouldn't change until I changed my behaviours. That was 5 years ago, and things are a lot better. I wouldn't hesitate to go to therapy again if I felt I needed someone unbiased to talk to. Hope it works out as well for you.
  • I just had my first therapy appointment about two weeks ago, and my second one is scheduled for Wednesday this week. I also had one of those moments when she made me realize something about what was motivating my behavior in pretty much every aspect of my life. Still somewhat reeling from it. Because I knew it was true, but I didn't see before how it connected literally every interaction I have with people. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I appreciate how open you are about things like this. I hope therapy is still going well for you.