Goodbye April, hello May
Is it too late to use this gif? You’ve probably seen it too many times already, but I just couldn’t help myself.
Looking back at april, it’s been a frustrating month; I finished my internship and the exams following it, and been writing a lot on my BA thesis. Which is stressful, but the real frustration has been my body. I’ve felt trapped at home, frustrated that I can’t move, use my body, and get outside as much as I want to.
To get a break from everything, I stayed at my parents place for a few days. My siblings, S and I surprised my mom at home for her birthday, and so I just stayed for an extra couple of days to recharge… At least that was the plan. Instead I got the stomach flu, and spend the week doing a full-on “cleanse” (
that’s my way of saying I threw up a lot. From both ends. I’m so sorry I said that).
Now, all I can think about is graduating in June (if everything goes well). These next two months are just months I need to survive without breakdowns, even though I already feel like I’m running on the emergency pumps. Making it through is all I can focus on (except on the other side of graduation, there’s still a lot to deal with, like: Can I get a job? Am I physically capable of working full time? Where am I going to live? How am I going to afford moving, rent, food?)
So, that’s pretty scary. But I’m getting through it one day at a time. I know it’ll be okay, if not now, then eventually.
In May I want to…
- … Meditate regularly. If I’m going to get through this last stretch at uni without losing my sanity, it’ll take some deep breath and lots of mindfullness
- … Take pictures of blossoming cherry trees. Too much of blogger cliche? 😂 Probably. I don’t even know if there is any cherry trees in Odense.
- … Write my freaking BA thesis. Deadline is June 1st, so just under a month today 😱 I’m lucky to be writing it someone who knows how to stay cool under pressure – and to have a writing partner, because I would be too paralysed by anxiety to write anything otherwise.
- … Go to a local blogger meet up. Fynske Influencers is doing another meet-up, and I always look forward to these.
- … Show myself some compassion. It’s difficult to be in chronic pain. I tend to focus on all the things I want to do but no longer can, and get angry at my body. I want to be nicer to myself instead, and focus on what I still can instead.
- … Take up a new hobby. To find a new to feel competent and capable, that doesn’t involve exercise. I’m thinking something like sewing, knitting or crocheting, but I’m not sure I’ll have the time and energy before graduation.
- … See Deadpool 2. Everyone is freaking out about Infinity war at the moment. But I’m much more excited about the new Deadpool, so that’s the one I’ll watch in the cinema (and of course, I’ll see Infinity war too eventually)
- … Read outside in the sun. If the weather will let me. I get most of my reading done in the summer months, sitting outside. It’s just so nice! In the brief summery-period we had in april, I read We have no idea and When breath becomes air. Still haven’t decided what I’ll read next.
What do you want to do in May?