From FIT to FAT

From FIT to FAT - Dealing with bad body image and tough times. This is really important!

Deep breath. Yes, you read that right (unless you didn’t – It says From FIT to FAT). I’ve been putting off writing this post for so long, but I need to get something off my chest (and belly. It’s fat! Just kidding).

So yeah, I’ve been more and less sick since August. I’ve been injured for much longer, and had surgery last June. That means I’ve been fairly inactive for a long time. I’m trying to get back into working out, but it’s hard, and I’m very out of shape.

A consequence of my inactivity is weight gain – unless lying horisontally on the couch can be considered an activity. Technically I haven’t stepped on a scale in a very long time because I simply don’t own one. But I know I’ve gained weight, especially fat. And I’ve lost muscle at the same time. And I don’t like it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s bad to be fat. No, I don’t consider that word an insult. Everybody has fat!

Before you think about complimenting me by saying I’m not fat, or something self-deprecating like ‘if you’re fat, what does that make me‘. Don’t. I know I’m not obese, nor am I saying people who are larger than me should feel bad about their body. I think everybody has the right decide over their own body, and should love their body regardless of what the scale says.

But this isn’t about how wrong fat-shaming is. This is about me.

From FIT to FAT - Dealing with bad body image and tough times. This is really important!

This is an old picture, just so you know. The first image is from August last year

No, it’s about coming to terms with your body when it’s changing, and it’s outside your control.

I’m not fat as in overweight. My body composition, however, has changed a lot, and I can clearly see and feel it. The belly that used to only show up when I was bloated or after day full of eating, never leaves. My clothes fit differently.

But I don’t think that’s the real issue, at least not for me. I can’t help but wonder, that if these changes were happening to my body at another time, where I was in a good place mental health wise and not injured, it wouldn’t affect me.

I’ve never worked out to get that “dream body”. I’ve played sports as long as I can remember, and it was always out of love for the activity. Alongside that, I got into running and lifting, also simply because I enjoyed it. With that came muscle mass and a low body fat percentage.

But now that it’s gone, I miss it. Or honestly, I miss being working out – And my growing belly and hips are a constant reminder of that. So I don’t really hate my body for being fat.

I hate that I’m not fit anymore.

I hate that my before is better than my after.

I hate that I’ve lost so much progress, and I can’t help but compare my current workouts to before I was injured, just to discover how unfit and weak I am.

But. There is a but. Because I’m not one to be caught up or held down by negative thoughts. Not anymore.

I’m fighting to get better.

I’m fighting to get fit again.

I’m not fighting to lose weight. I don’t track my measurements. I don’t log my workouts like I used to. I’m trying to listen to my body in the moment, and go from there. I don’t plan training sessions in advance, and I try to do just what I feel for that day, so there’s less pressure to perform. I turn up or down for the intensity depending on how I’m feeling in that moment.

I try to push myself, but take care of myself at the same time.

I’ve gone from fit to fat, and now I’m getting fit again!

Have you ever gone through a major setback on your fitness journey? Let me know in the comments!



From FIT to FAT - Dealing with bad body image, weight gain and tough times. This is really important!
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From FIT to FAT - Dealing with bad body image, weight gain and tough times. This is really important!

LET'S CHAT!

29 Comments

  • Oh lovely I'm sorry you feel that way but I can totally understand and relate to you. I was a passionate dancer but a few years ago I broke my foot because of not paying attention for a second which meant I wasn't allowed to dance for 8 weeks. In my seventh week I had to have my tonsils taken out which meant another 5 weeks of not training. I felt absolutely horrible during that time and 12 weeks of not doing anything made getting back so much harder. It actually took me years to get back to my old level. So I completely understand how you feel but I can tell you even though it might be hard and a long journey you can get back to the way you used to be! You only have to believe in yourself! Keep your head up! xo, Marie www.mariesdesk.com
    • That must have been so hard! Especially with a setback just as you're about to come back. But thank you for sharing your experience, it helps me to know I'm not alone - even if it takes a while. You're so kind xx
  • I'm sorry that you're not feeling comfortable with your body, I know that feeling quite well myself (as I always struggle with body image). I haven't had a setback on my fitness journey but I've changed my diet to mostly vegan meals and instead of losing weight, I gained some which was pretty annoying. I think I just need more time to figure out what's right for my body. x 113-things-to-say.blogspot.com
  • Oh my goodness! I relate to this SO much. This time last year, I was the best i've ever been, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Last semester i wanted to get a 4.0, and with that came more time in the library than the gym.. i lost everything. Even now, when i'm trying to get back to where I was happiest, its so hard to get back into the flow. I live somewhere new, my workout / vegan partner and best friend moved to brooklyn, and I'm trying to get an idea of what to do after i graduate. I'm so happy you wrote this, because I think i needed to know that I'm not alone. You're amazing Anne!
  • Amazing post Anne! When I was around 18-19 I was in the shape of my life. However, I became depressed and I went from working out 15 hours a day to just lay in bed and eat crap. Many people would say that I didn't gain that much weight, but losing muscles and gaining fat is easily noticeable. After I got rid of the depression, I've had some troubles getting rid of those kilos, but I now feel like I'm on the right path. The sun is shining, spring is coming and I try to spend as much time outdoors as possible. Thank you so much for sharing your story xx
    • You're amazing Mia! It's incredible how fast the body lose muscle when you're injured, and I know it's such a struggle to get back. I hope you continue to recover, I wish you all the best! x
  • Hi Anne, I stumbled across this post on a retweet platform and would like to say bravo! It takes such guts to write things like this down. I constantly beat myself up about my 27 year old hips and bum and how they take so much more work to stay in shape than my 21 year old never been to the gym ever self. I Just wanted to say I love your blog and your true to self style of writing, it's refreshing. I have a blog if you fancy taking a look, it's very new and I'm not overly confident about it! Thanks again for the post and good luck on your fitness. x
  • Hi Anne, I stumbled across this post on a retweet platform and would like to say bravo! It takes such guts to write things like this down. I constantly beat myself up about my 27 year old hips and bum and how they take so much more work to stay in shape than my 21 year old never been to the gym ever self. I Just wanted to say I love your blog and your true to self style of writing, it's refreshing. I have a blog if you fancy taking a look, it's very new and I'm not overly confident about it! Thanks again for the post and good luck on your fitness. x www.upside-downunder.com
  • Thank you so much for adressing this issue! I'm also struggling with that, and it's so important to know other people feel the same way as I feel. Thank you for being so sweet and brave <3
  • It's hard to feel good when something you worked for goes away, but I'm glad to hear you're trying to become more comfortable with your body while taking care of it. I just injured my knee and my hip so I'm kinda limited on my exercise for a while and not feeling too great about it, but I know that if I push too hard I'll just hurt myself more. It's tough to find that balance of pushing and also nourishing. Keep your chin up. You can do it!
  • You do you! I think it should be all about promoting body acceptance - if you're happy the way you are, then it's ok! If not, then do something about it. I'm sorry you're not feeling comfortable with your body and I hope you can get back to a place where you are :) You're beautiful and I wish you the best of luck in getting back to a more body-positive mindset! Jasmine | thesixthdisneyprincess.blogspot.com
    • I think so too! The problem is not as much I don't feel comfortable with my body for the way it look, but because I'm injured and it keeps me from doing what I love. Thank you for the love x
  • Awwww sweetie this much have been such a hard time for you!! I was so good last summer with exercise and definitely noticed my body being healthier ...but stopped over the winter and I could tell the difference. My aim is to get back on to it asap! I am so glad you jhave your fighting streak and that you cannot wait to get fit.. good luck lovely!! Saira www.throughtheglitterglass.wordpress.com xo
  • I'm glad you wrote this. I think people are prone to share fat-to-fat, but not the other way around so much. I struggle a lot with the belly bloat, too, and just the change in composition. It's amazing how fast the body adapts to lifestyle changes. I swear I see a difference if I have skipped working out for a week. :( I hope your journey back goes well. I think the most important thing is to concentrate on getting stronger and listen to your body. =]
  • I'm totally feeling this right now. I'm not as fit as I was last year, and yeah it's making me feel uncomfortable in my own body. I completely get what you're saying - I know I'm not fat, but I'm feeling it at the moment compared to where I was. And it's not a bad thing to put on weight as such, but knowing that I'm not as fit is the hard bit. I'm not sure that really made any sense, but yeah... Anyway, keep going. You'll get back to where you want to be!
  • I too can understand the emotional roller coaster. I went for fat to fit to a major accident that had me laid up for the good part of 4 years. After 7 surgeries over the 4 years I'm trying to be active again but simply can not push my self as hard as I use to. We do what we can and do it with a positive attitude because mental health is just as important as physical. Keep up the positivity and good things will come.
  • Aw! I loved this post. I've put on quite a lot of weight this past year. At first I really let it bother me. Then I decided to accept my body as it was, love it & continue training hard. Yes I do wanna lose weight but I'm not gonna hate my body through the process! I'll let it happen naturally! Such a good attitude girl! It's about working for your goals but allowing your body to rest and be happy in the meanwhile. No point push it TOO hard
  • I absolutely loved this post. I read it a while back but came across it again and was reminded you put into words exactly what I feel. I just graduated high school and have played sports throughout, but have had injuries. The most recent one however was a torn labrum in my hip leading to limited activity before and now after surgery. By the time I'm allowed full activity it will be January. I have not run for already 6 months and it's horrible waiting even longer when I used to be active everyday. I also fear the actual process of getting into shape because since middle school (even when there were better times than others) I've been in shape. Of course, I've gained weight. It makes me disappointed. If I used to gain weight it was muscle, not fat. Though your approach has helped me keep a positive attitude. Sorry for the long comment but it feels somehow comforting to know someone out there knows how this feels. Thank you for being honest and sharing your thoughts
  • I feel exactly the same. Going through some things the last few months I stopped exercising and eating well. I didn't realise my body had changed until I came across an old picture.. then it hit me. "I've got FAT!" I 100% get what you mean, it's not fat fat it's just fatter than your used to for your body. Don't worry, it happens to us all. Aslong as we are happy and confident in our skin, that's all that matters ❤️ Here's to getting Fit again! 😘 Chloe | www.cinnamontan.co.uk